My husband, before we got married, was a neat freak. When I used to visit him as his girlfriend, he had different shoes for different parts of the house. I wasn't allowed to wear my shoes inside the house.
He had slippers for the living room, slippers for the bedroom, slippers for the toilet, and only the living room slippers were allowed in the kitchen. They must not be mixed up.
He does not have OCD, because he could tolerate a bit of disorganization, especially when we were having fun or enjoying quality time together, as long as everything was cleaned up afterward. Sometimes, it got extreme. He would shout at me for placing my leg on the sofa or the table. But I didn’t see this as a big deal, because it’s rare to find a man that neat.
My husband wears a boxer for only one day, doesn't repeat dirty clothes, and he always smell good. He used to say something that I didn't take seriously at that time. He would say “I don’t want kids in my house. Children are a messy job.”
I brushed it off cos I believed he would change his mind when I got pregnant or after giving birth. I thought the fact he's now a father will change his heart. After all, most men are proud to have a child to carry on their name. We got married and lived happily for two years before I conceived. I came home joyfully and informed him about the pregnancy after confirming it at the clinic.
But my joy was cut short. He looked at me and asked, “Who are you pregnant for?” I told him, “You, of course. You’re my husband, who else would get me pregnant?” Then he said, “And with whose permission did you get pregnant?” I couldn’t believe it. I tried not to let it affect me. I dismissed it as one of those 5 mins of temporary madness men have.
But at around five months pregnant, I had gained some weight, and he began to complain.He said I looked round, out of nagging about everything. Sometimes, I’d be too tired to tidy the house right away, and he would complain and then clean it himself. The real problem started after I gave birth.
When I went into labor, my husband was at home but ignored my cries for help.I had to call a neighbor
who drove me to the hospital. She even brought me home the next day. My husband didn’t show any care or concern.
He never showed love for our son. He called him names like “si||y,” “use|ess,” “bas+ard,” and more,that he's the one causing problems between us. The only time he ever held him was when the baby was crying while he was trying to nap and I was in the bathroom. He picked the baby up and placed him outside the house, in front of the living room. That was the moment I knew something was truly wrong.
That day, he sent me and child out of our matrimonial room to another room. I thought one day he might send me out of the house so I reported him to his mother and his friends. I couldn’t bring myself to tell my own parents because I didn’t want to tarnish his image. I respect my husband and won't want my family having issues with him. His mother spoke to him countless times. His friends also tried. I discussed with him. Everyone who could, has talked to him. But he remains adamant.
He says he wants only me, not the child. He says he never wanted children and never will. He doesn’t have a personal issue with me. In fact,after childbirth and with all the stress,I lost weight and returned to my previous shape. But the problem starts whenever the baby cries, poops, or even makes a sound.
For the first time in my life,I’ve seen someone who hates the smell of a baby,He nags about everything I do involving the baby. Sometimes, he directs his anger at me. It’s been four months now. Raising this child feels like raising triplets because I’m doing everything alone.
He doesn’t help. He doesn’t give me money anymore because he knows I’ll spend it on baby formula or diapers. I tried doing exclusive breastfeeding, but I was too stressed. So, I added formula to support breast milk.
Even then, he still refused to give me money for it. I’ve had to call friends to help me buy formula and diapers,even though they know my husband capable. I finally opened up to one of my friends because I couldn't keep dying in silence. I'm begging him to allow me get a job so I can take care of the baby but he hasn't accepted yet.
I don’t know what to do anymore. My husband has no problem with me, only with the child.He even suggested I drop the baby at an orphanage.
Everyone has tried to talk to him and has now given up. I know my husband is not insane, but I can’t explain what’s wrong with him. I don’t want to raise my child in a toxic environment. I want my son to experience the love of a father. Is this how I’m going to continue my life? Will I end up a married single mother? Will my husband ever change? Will things ever get better?
I ask myself all these questions and more, but I have no answers.
I’m confused. I’m exhausted. And I’m tired.
Has anyone ever been in my shoes? What is the solution to this? How can I convince my husband to love his own child, his own blood? I just don’t know anymore.
Sorry for the long post.
