We have been together for 13 years and been married for 2 and a half. We have two kids. we hardly ever argue, we have very similar interests and outlook on life. I work full time, she works shift work in care. Recently, she has got very friendly with a couple of guys at work. One who she seems to message all day and taxi around regularly,Recently, she has got very friendly with a couple of guys at work. One who she seems to message all day and taxi around regularly,
sometimes going out shopping together in the evening (he is also married). She says his English isn't great and being from another country doesn't know many people here, so she is looking after him somewhat.
I have let this go for some time but addressed it recently that I am a little uncomfortable with the out of hours alone time. I hoped she had understood my position there and cut back, which she seemed to do though things have felt a little awkward since, we agreed we need more time to ourselves.Last night she collected an item for another male work colleague who can't drive and who she speaks to a lot, from a different town. Rather than drop it off at his door while he was at work she decided to come home, then go out at 9 to pick him up from work and take him back to his. I know this is a reasonably big deal because she suffers from a lot of tiredness for medical reasons, so for her to go out in the cold late at night is a big deal. Again, I addressed this, that I didn't feel there was a need to that scenario and I was uncomfortable with it.
With these, I do relay that I'm not trying to control but just making sure she knows how I feel, in the hope that she understands why it is upsetting me. Only today, things have been off and I received a message while at work saying she needs space, she feels unsettled and overwhelmed.I feel like I am in panic mode a little. I have never done a thing without first considering her feelings. I consider myself to be a great dad, I do a lot of the housework and have never put her in any sort of discomfort around my own behaviours.
There was however a time long in the past (where I try to leave it though I cant deny it hurts me to this day) where a similar scenario arose, before we had kids, where she thought it appropriate to show a foreign lad who worked with her mum, a town an hour away and walking round a country park together, without telling me she was doing so or messaging me at all that day. It broke me a little though I have no idea the truth of what happened.
I have never controlled how much she goes out with friends, ever, but these situations have seemed so full on that I am living in an unsettled state. I know she is a lovely person that will help anyone, and I am in total fear of losing her.
I'm hoping someone can take the neutral position here and let me know if I am valid in my feelings about her spending evening time with other men, or if perhaps I am overthinking things. And now she has asked for space I will try and fight all urges to give it, though I would also welcome any advice there.
This feeling is horrible.
TLDR; I am uncomfortable with the time my wife spends alone with other men. Having told her it upsets me, she has told me she is upset and overwhelmed and needs space. Advice would be great. Thanks for the read in advance.
