My ex-husband asked me not to marry again. He already lives with the woman he destroyed our marriage for, yet he says he wouldn’t be able to stand seeing me with another man. Honestly, I still don’t understand how that logic works.
My ex-husband and I had been together since we were fifteen years old. We practically grew up hand in hand. We got married young, built a home, and had a child. I was convinced we were going to grow old together. I never imagined that after more than twenty years together, it would all end because of another woman…
I started getting suspicious because he was coming home later and later, constantly glued to his phone, and any excuse was good enough for him to leave the house. One day I decided to find out the truth. I approached one of his colleagues, told her everything, and in solidarity she offered to look into what I suspected. It turned out he had been in a relationship with a coworker for several months. I didn’t make a scene. I sat him down in the living room and asked him directly if it was true. He lowered his head and admitted it was. He also confessed that he no longer knew which of us he wanted more and that he needed time to think. I told him I wasn’t going to compete with anyone for a man. That same day, I told him to leave.
He didn’t want to go. He kept saying we could try to save the marriage, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave the other woman either. Eventually, she packed her things and left. What hurt me most was finding out that just two months later, he was already living with her. That’s when I realized the relationship had lasted much longer than he had admitted.
It has been a year since the separation. I focused on work, raising our son, and rebuilding my life. A few weeks ago, I started dating someone new. We’re not officially boyfriend and girlfriend—we’re just getting to know each other. We’ve gone out for coffee a few times, taken walks, and talked, but we haven’t even kissed. I haven’t posted any photos or introduced him to my family because there’s nothing concrete yet.
After a long marriage and a child, I can’t afford to treat this like a casual fling. I need to be very sure before taking that step.
Somehow, word got back to my ex-husband. An acquaintance saw us at a restaurant and told him. That same day, he started calling me nonstop. I didn’t answer. Then he texted saying he needed to talk to me about something very important. I agreed to meet him because I thought it had to do with our son.
As soon as we sat down, he said, “Tell me what they told me isn’t true.”
I asked what he was talking about.
He replied, “That you’re dating another man.”
I said yes, we had just met.
Then he said, “Please don’t get married again.”
I thought he was joking. I reminded him that he was already living with the woman who had ended our marriage.
He answered, “It’s different.”
I asked what was different about it.
He told me he couldn’t bear the thought of me building a life with another man, that the mere idea made his stomach turn. Even though he had moved on, I would always be the mother of his son and the woman he had spent most of his life with.
I responded, “And when you went to live with her, did you think about how I would feel?”
He stayed silent.
Then he said he understood my pain, but that it was one thing for him to live with someone else and something entirely different to see me in love with another man.
That’s when I stood up from the table.
I told him, “You didn’t want to stay with me, but you don’t want anyone else to love me either. That’s not love. That’s selfishness.”
Since that day, he hasn’t stopped texting me. He says he doesn’t want to get back together with me, that he loves the woman he lives with and that she is already his family. But at the same time, he keeps asking me not to rebuild my life with anyone else.
And that’s the part I just can’t understand.
Do you guys get it?
